How My Mustang Helped Me Quit Smoking

by JIMMY PLANT

Quitting smoking is a real pain, trust me. If you��ve never smoked before, don��t just assume it��s a matter of tossing out your cigs and being done with it. It��s a lot more complicated. I just turned 40 and had been thinking over what the next stage of my life would be like and I came do a decision: I want to be healthier. And the smokes would have to be the first to go. But though the resolution is easy to make, carrying it out is much tougher.

I tried everything, the gum, the patch and even quitting cold turkey, but nothing seemed to work. It didn��t help that I wasn��t merely a casual smoker, but a 3 pack a day chain-smoking maniac. I decided to go to my friend Laura for advice. Laura had been smoking for 30 years��ever since she turned 4�� and she somehow managed to quit the habit entirely, without any relapses. One day when I felt a craving for some that aromatic goodness, I jumped in my car and drove over to her apartment.

��Ok, I��m at my wits end,�� I said, ��Tell me Laura, how did you do it?��

She smiled and told me:

��Ok, this is my method. One day I took my life savings out of the bank in cash and gave it to my friend Andrew. Every time I went a day without smoking, he��d give me $20 back.��

��And it worked?�� I asked.

��Well, there were some days that that I craved a cig more than a pile of money, but in the end I pulled through.��

This seemed like a good idea, so I thought of something which was really important to me: my car. Now, other than a few puffs of the ��ol cancer stick, there��s nothing I love more than my restored cherry red Mustang. So I handed over the title to Laura and with the understanding that she would give it back if I went 3 months without a single cigarette. The plan didn��t last long. As I was leaving Laura��s, she caught me on her porch lighting up a Cuban cigar.

��It��s only been 30 seconds!�� she exclaimed.

��But this isn��t a cigarette, it��s a stogie! There��s a world of difference.��

Laura looked disgusted and handed back the car title.

��You��re too far gone man. I don��t think I can help you.��

She turned and went back into the house leaving me unsure of what to do next. I stared guiltily at my Mustang. I had almost lost it, and all because of a certain leaf��

��Ok,�� I thought to myself. ��Smoking is a psychological as well as physiological addiction. What I need is a hypnotist.��

So I then went to our town��s most renowned hypnotist, Dr. Reginald Gonzo. He listened very attentively to my problems and said he thought he had the solution. I lay on his couch and started taking deep breaths. ��I will put you into a deep trance,�� he said. I fell under the spell and was soon under. Dr. Gonzo then messed with my mind, substituting one habit for another.

��Every time you get a craving to smoke, you will instead do what you most love,�� he chanted. ��Rather than light up, you will jump in your car, floor the gas and drive like hell.��

I think the sessions are working. I haven��t smoked for 2 months now, but I am close to wearing out my car! My trusty Mustang is in definite need of some Ceramic Brake Pads and Brake Lines.