Exhaust Headers and Air Intakes Via the Circus

by JIMMY PLANT

I was walking down the road one ordinary day when suddenly, I saw her.

I was totally blown away. For the first time in my life I was in love. No, it wasn��t a girl, it was a car. And not just any car��the most perfect car in the world�� a cherry red Mustang.

I had just turned 17 and was envious of all my other friends who had already been driving for a year. Whenever I had to get somewhere, I had to walk, and so it hurt my ego to suddenly have to dive into a bush to avoid being seen when one of my friends whizzed by.

One day as I passed the Mustang I wanted it more than ever. I had to get some quick cash �C but how?

Luckily, the circus had just come to town and I passed several workmen who were clearing a large area to set up tents and exhibits. I was intrigued. I had always loved going to the circus when I was younger and was drawn to the colors, sounds and excitement of being a spectator.

So I walked inside the grounds and up to the nearest tent. Outside there was a wooden placard on which was written ��Help Wanted �C Glamorous Internship Position Available��. ��Ah ha!�� I thought to myself. This is surely fate at work. A few weeks on the job would put me well on the path to zooming down the highway in my dream car.

I walked into the tent and up to a desk. Behind a stack of ledgers was the manager who was busily counting piles of money. He ignored me, but when I cleared my throat a few times he looked up. ��I��m here about an internship,�� I said.

His face lit up and he rubbed his hands together. ��Excellent,�� he said. ��We have a position available, and I think you might be perfect for it��

I had visions of stepping into the center of the ring, twirling my magnificent moustache and cracking my whip as the crowed roared. Or perhaps I could manage the freaks! I would feed the thousand pound man, or become the bearded lady��s stylist. It was the circus after all, a place of endless dreams.

The manager stood and regarded me critically.

��The position requires someone who laughs at danger!��

��I��m your man,�� I replied calmly.

��Someone who can tame even the most fearsome beast, and can withstand what no ordinary mortal could bear to face!��

��No sweat,�� I said with growing confidence.

The manager smiled.

��Excellent, you��re hired,�� he said, ��Report back here tomorrow at 4 AM.��

The next morning, I woke excitedly and ran all the way to work. But I was in for a surprise.

It turned out my job was to follow the elephants around with a bag and collect their massive droppings.

The manager tried to cheer me up. ��This state has very strict laws on pollution,�� he would say, ��If we don��t keep the local community happy, we lose our license to perform. So in a way, you are single handedly responsible for the success of this entire enterprise.��

Needless to say, I grew disillusioned pretty quickly. The elephants grew to recognize me and my bag and they were always ready for a fresh deposit. Even the clowns were laughing at me.

But in the end it was worth it. After a few weeks, I turned in my poop-bag and bought my hard-won Mustang. I even had some money left over! Now I��m hunting around for Exhaust Headers and Air Intakes to make my dream car even more perfect.